Hello everyone and welcome to the first post in my new blog, Bipolar Journey. Throughout this blog we will be discussing various topics including what is bipolar disorder, my diagnosis, my view on spirituality and just my regular day to day adventures where I might even share some of my creative works. So first things first, some information about what is bipolar disorder.
According to wiki, bipolar disorder is a diagnosis given to individuals who experience a switch between moods that are considered manic and depressed. Link . However this blog would be boring if all I did was post information short the first hand experience. I find that while the official descriptions of any disorder can be interesting to read, there is no substitute for firsthand accounts.
So what does bipolar mean to me?
To me it means one day I am in the best mood possible and this is the mania. This mood is often enlightening, jovial and euphoric. It is enlightening because the world itself will seem like a brighter place then it could ever possibly be. It's jovial because most things become splendid and entertaining, even in their simplicity. It's euphoric because it creates such pure happiness and elation giving you a strong feeling of well being that can be equated to feeling some drugs inspire. It all culminates into a feeling of invincibility. Often times I have wanted to jump into fire, leap off of cliffs and just otherwise do things notably insane because I feel I can survive them. 
Then the next day there is the depression side of things. This is perhaps the most difficult to describe because it is quite the painful experience. Beyond just sadness, there is a wide range of experiences I have endured. Most notably is the lack of energy. Some days I can barely go 4 or 5 hours without needing to sleep. I mean sleep, by definition, not a nap. It may be 3 hours before I wake up. Then there is the aches and pains. The soreness that permeates you to the bone is often among other things annoying. There is more however. There is addiction to pain and self harming and there is also suicidal ideation where you want to just end it all. There is more however.
In my particular case, I experience hallucinations when in either swing. This can be simple things such as smelling or tasting things that aren't there to more complex hallucinations of the tactile form. To explain, whenever I come down from the highest or recover from the lowest moods, I see things and experience sensations on my body. Things I see involve objects in my periphreal vision, movement in still images and most annoying, shapes, colors and even faces when I close my eyes. All things that when experienceing then, they help me judge my mood. Things I feel are mostly on my feet where I feel things crawling on them and up my ankles yet there is never anything there. Most alarming however is painful pressure often felt at random places around my body. So in short, the bipolar experience to me is a total trip. It's like being on drugs without the, well drug. In time I will discuss my diagnosis, what it was like growing up and even my failures in life due to my disorder. This will be a project dear to my heart that is as much about coping as it is about sharing information. I hope you all enjoyed my introduction to bipolar disorder and that you come back to visit again to read more blogs. Enjoy life and live happy!
James
No comments:
Post a Comment