My Diagnosis and Treatment

All my life I have felt like I was an outsider and someone who was much different than everyone else.  I could never put my finger on the how and why however.  It was always a matter of feeling I had to keep my distance because I was never compatible with people.  However, I never had what I'd called symptoms of BP until I was into my 20s.  I was maybe 24 or so when I started to noticed the symptoms I mention in my introduction to BP blog post, post number 1.  It however never dawned on my it was anything but normal until the end of 2010.

We had a most terrible winter at the end of 2010.  There was a major snow storm that basically trapped everyone in their homes without power and way to escape for almost a month.  This was a most stressful occasion on me for one reason.  I have agoraphobia.  The minute this happened I started to go into intense panic attacks, as many as 3 a day that ended up with me having to be hospitalized.  This was when I began to believe things were way more out of hand than they appeared to be. 

Fast forward to 2011 and I was working a most stressful job in a local hospital and times where rough in the work environment in my department.  I was one guy doing an extreme amount of work and bearing some what I consider great responsibility.  It finally made me hit the ultimate breaking point and I crashed hardcore.  I ended up over the course of that winter being hospitalized twice, to go along with what happened the winter before.  I knew then something was wrong. 


As I analyzed myself, I noticed I was having memory issues, so extreme that I couldn't remember I had bottles of water that were never drank stacked up around the house, and I would go get another bottle despite having several sitting around.  Most strange behavior that I tried to ignore until this point.  I went to work only I went on a day I was supposed to be off from work and I was dressed in nothing but my pajamas.  It was at this point I realized I had no concept of time and that is something that I still struggle with.



So from there, I went to see a psychiatrist and a therapist.  Very quickly they acknowledged something wrong with me and had me scheduled for biweekly visits.  Come 2012, I was diagnosed with having rapid cycle bipolar 1 disorder with psychotic features and agoraphobia.  That was shocking to me and to be honest it felt so great to have some answers.  I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders and there was a rhyme and reason to everything going on.  It was a time of revelation for me littered with come to grips and understanding with my more peculiar behavior over my life.  It was a great time.

Moving on however, treatment is an ongoing process. There are meds involved, therapy sessions and social support groups.  I find the support groups help the best  The meds don't really take away the psychotic symptoms that well but they do stabilize my moods which makes the psychosis happen a lot less.  Which for that I am thankful.  I only hope this helps anyone else out there who is having some of the same scenarios play out for them make a decision to cause some change in their lives.  If you feel peculiar, if you notice things happening to you that feel out of the ordinary, you and they probably are.  Seek out information and find out if what you experience is worth seeking help over.  There is no shame in getting help, you may need it.  I hope anyone reading this found it inspiring.  Enjoy life and live happy!

James